Sunday, November 24
Awkward!!
Noah: Mom, how do babies get in your belly?
Me: {oh crap...think fast!!} That's the way God made it. {Please let that be good enough!!}
Noah: So, Natalie has a baby in her belly, too?
Me: {oh crap...think fast!!} No, Natalie's not married. {Please let that be good enough!!}
Noah: But how do the babies come out?
Me: {oh crap.... really? we're doing this?!?} The doctors get the babies out.
Noah: But how?
Me: {REALLY!?! Seriously make it stop!} Not sure. I'm not a doctor.
Noah: {either realizing he's not getting the answer he's looking for and is giving up or he's really okay with the answers I've given (I suspect the former)} Oh
Friday, October 5
Girls don't sweat!
I kept Noah home as a precaution but since his fever is gone and he seems to be bouncing back, I decided a little retail therapy would be good for me after the week I've had. So, he and I were off to The Limited after Natalie got on the bus.
After about 30 minutes of trying on clothes, I said, "Whew! I'm working up a sweat! It's hot in here!"
Noah was so absorbed in the game he was playing on my phone that I didn't think he was listening. I was really talking more to myself, anyway, until he laughed and said, "Why are you sweating? Are you a man?"
Laughing, I said, "What?! What are you talking about?"
"You said you were sweating. Girls don't sweat! Guys do! Unless a girl is running and you're not running! You're shopping!"
"Well, it's pretty close to the same thing!"
He laughed and it seemed that he decided I didn't really know what I was talking about.
Sunday, September 30
Time for a haircut
She asked, "Did you cut your own hair?"
"No!"
"It's shorter, right here, than the rest of your hair. Are you sure you didn't cut your own hair?"
He gave her a sly look and said, "Well, you're the one holding the scissors!!" and grinned.
He's so quick-witted and it's freaking hilarious!! Luckily it blends - sort of....
Friday, May 25
Random thoughts from Natalie
Natalie: Mom - when I was little, I dressed up like a fly but I didn't bug myself!
Thursday, March 22
Conversations with Natalie
Monday, November 21
A humbling perspective
Tuesday, November 1
So proud - or not....
Tuesday, August 2
You're getting your ass handed to you!!
Dave has been traveling a lot lately. He was in Orlando for a week, home for a week and now he's gone again - day 2 of 8. Before he left, I told him about some trouble I'm having with the kids and he said, "You're getting your ass handed to you!" Well, that's putting it lightly!! So, now Dave is in the middle of "no cell service" Yosemite with his dad and I'm having my ass handed to me with no back up or reinforcements.
Noah gets up by himself between 7-730 and is pretty self-sufficient. He can make himself a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk and watches tv until I get up between 830-9 when Natalie gets up.
We had a breakfast issue yesterday so when he came in this morning to ask if he could go outside, I asked him what he ate for breakfast and he said "Nothing."
Now, there are several things wrong with this response..... He doesn't know that I heard the cabinet doors slamming, he doesn't know that I'm pretty familiar with his eating habits and I know he eats as soon as he wakes up, andhe doesn't realize there is food stuck to the side of his face!
So, I said, "You didn't eat anything? I heard the cabinet doors slamming."
"Well, I didn't eat anything."
"Noah, don't lie to me! What did you eat this morning?"
"I didn't eat anything!"
"Noah, there's chocolate on the side of your face!! What did you eat this morning and DON'T lie to me!!"
Deer in a headlight look.... "I ate chocolate."
My brain is now scanning the cabinet - where the hell did he find chocolate and why didn't I know about it ?!?
"Chocolate? Where did you get chocolate?"
"I found it in the cabinet."
"How much chocolate did you eat? Don't lie to me!"
"I had like maybe 3. I don't know - I lost count!"
"THREE?!?! YOU LOST COUNT?!?!"
He nods his head and goes back downstairs.
I came down to investigate this morning's breakfast issue (different from yesterday's issue) and I discovered that he has apparently helped himself to the smores stash that I keep on hand for fire pit nights and it was "like maybe 4" because, again, Noah doesn't realize I can see what is in the trash...
Wednesday, February 2
My heart just stopped!!!
"Hello"
"Hi, this is ..... from ........ elementary school." ((very long pause like her name was enough to tell me what she wanted. I've never heard the name before so there's an even longer pause))
Her: "Is Noah out sick today?"
Me: "No - I put Noah on the bus at 1230!"
Her: "Well, he's not here." ((her tone implies that it's perfectly normal to put a kindergarten-er on the bus but never show up at school - my tone becomes panic because it's NOT normal!!))
Me: "Well, I put him on the bus 2 1/2 hours ago. He should be at school."
Her tone becomes annoyed - with a heavy sigh she says: "Hold on!"
I wait - my heart has dropped to my stomach and stopped....
Her: "Never mind. It was the child below him on the roster." (her tone is as if this happens everyday - as if it's perfectly normal to "lose" a child)
Oh - okay - well thanks for the reassurance!!!!
Thursday, September 30
Are you crazy!?!?!?!?!
Saturday, July 3
Thursday, June 10
I'm late - no more talking
"Mom, I gotta go. I'm late for my super hero meeting with Spiderman, Batman, Iron Man, that viking guy (Thor) and Captain America so there's no more talking."
Wednesday, June 2
Thursday, April 1
Easter Bunny
Tuesday, March 23
Straight for the heart
I told him it wasn't funny and I don't know what part of him thought it was okay to lock us out of the house. I sent him to his room. A few minutes later I called him back downstairs. I had told Natalie earlier in the evening that if she finished her dinner that we'd all go out for ice cream. So, we loaded up and went for ice cream. Noah didn't get any and he told Natalie, "I can't have any because I locked you guys out of the house."
When we got back from DQ, I asked him to clean up his toys. He asked if I would help him and I said "No. You guys can do it. They're your toys." He started crying and said, "Mom?"
"What, Noah?"
"You're always mean to me."
Okay - crush me now but your still cleaning up the toys and I'm still not helping you.
I hugged him big and explained to him that I wash his dishes, clean his clothes, cook him dinner, drive him to school and all I ask is that he clean up his toys. The explanation didn't really work because he said, "Well, you can help with the toys, too."