Monday, September 21

A blubbering, watery, snotty mess!

Noah's asthma has been acting up since overnight Friday into Saturday. Today has been really bad. This is the worst episode he's had since he was diagnosed with asthma 2 yrs ago. We can usually manage it with a few nights of little sleep for Dave and I but tonight is different. Noah fell asleep on the couch so Dave and I watched TV and monitored his breathing. A few hours later, Noah woke up and looked at me. He seemed a little disoriented but I figured it was the state of confusion that happens when you wake up and it takes a few minutes to get your bearings. I smiled at him. He situated on the couch, looked at me again - still disoriented. I smiled again and asked him if he was ok. He looked confused so I put him in my lap and he started crying, coughing and still disoriented. He kept pulling on his tongue when he would try to breathe in - sort of like he thought his tongue was blocking his breathing. Dave went upstairs to get changed into comfortable hospital clothes while I held Noah as he cried and coughed. Noah finally got himself together and I told him "Dad's going to take you to the dr so you can feel better." Natalie is having "mom withdrawal" because I was gone most of Friday and Saturday so I knew Noah would be going to the hospital without me for the first time, ever. I start to tear up at the thought but shook it off quickly before Noah saw my tears. Dave put some stuff in the car while I gave Noah a few more puffs of his inhaler - just enough to get him to the hospital and through the ER waiting room. My eyes tear up a few more times knowing he is leaving without me but I did good at pulling myself together before Noah saw my tears. Dave carried Noah to the door and I fought back tears all the way through the kitchen to the garage. I kept it together until Noah went to give me a hug goodbye. With dog gripped tightly in one hand, his little lip started to quiver and he said, "Will you miss me?!" Needless to say - I lost it!! Of course I would miss him and in that moment, my heart was ripped from my chest!! So, here I sit - a blubbering, crying, watery, snotty mess all over our computer while I wait for news from Dave.