Thursday, September 30

Are you crazy!?!?!?!?!

Noah said he wants a little brother. I told him he had a little sister. He said he's okay with having a little sister but he wants a little brother, too, because all of his friends have little brothers. I told him he was out of luck on a brother but he's got a sister. About 5 minutes later, after Noah got on the school bus, Natalie asked if we could have a baby like her Baby Brynn so she could have a baby to play with. Um - no thanks but thanks for asking :)

Saturday, July 3

Noah saw a little black girl at the dr office this morning and he said, "Mom, does that girl with a tan work here?"

Thursday, June 10

I'm late - no more talking

Noah informed me earlier today...

"Mom, I gotta go. I'm late for my super hero meeting with Spiderman, Batman, Iron Man, that viking guy (Thor) and Captain America so there's no more talking."

Thursday, April 1

Easter Bunny

I took the kids to the see the Easter Bunny yesterday. This is the best part about parenting. Is it bad that I enjoyed this so much? :) (there is a video below in case you can't see it depending on your web browser)

Tuesday, March 23

Straight for the heart

Dave is out tonight so I took the kids for a walk. When we got back to the house, Noah ran ahead of us and locked the door. (first mistake) I knocked on the door and he opened it (second mistake) - smiling (third mistake).

I told him it wasn't funny and I don't know what part of him thought it was okay to lock us out of the house. I sent him to his room. A few minutes later I called him back downstairs. I had told Natalie earlier in the evening that if she finished her dinner that we'd all go out for ice cream. So, we loaded up and went for ice cream. Noah didn't get any and he told Natalie, "I can't have any because I locked you guys out of the house."

When we got back from DQ, I asked him to clean up his toys. He asked if I would help him and I said "No. You guys can do it. They're your toys." He started crying and said, "Mom?"

"What, Noah?"

"You're always mean to me."

Okay - crush me now but your still cleaning up the toys and I'm still not helping you.

I hugged him big and explained to him that I wash his dishes, clean his clothes, cook him dinner, drive him to school and all I ask is that he clean up his toys. The explanation didn't really work because he said, "Well, you can help with the toys, too."

Wednesday, March 17

Big and fat

I was sitting down in the floor to change Natalie's diaper and Noah slid the lid to one of his toys under my butt without me realizing it. When I sat on it, he started laughing so I played along. I said, "Hey - what's that?!" It was all fun and games until he said:

"Isn't it funny to put the lid under something big and fat?!" and he started laughing with all his childhood innocence.

Yep - apparently he thinks my butt is big and fat and it's freakin' hilarious!!!

Saturday, March 6

Go get dressed

Noah wants to watch TV. He's still in his pajamas so I told him he has to get dressed before he can turn the TV on. He said that he chooses to turn the TV on first and then get dressed. I told him "no" and he can choose whether to watch TV or not by whether he gets dressed or not. He replies, "When I get big, I'm gonna tell you that you can't watch TV until you get dressed!" My response, "Okay but I'm telling you now and you aren't big enough to tell me so go get dressed."

Tuesday, February 9

Cheers to Stacy!!!

I'll just disclaimer now and say that you might be offended by the language in this post and it should probably be rated "R". The only way to clean it up a bit is to abbreviate - believe me, though, I was thinking (or saying quietly to myself) nothing of abbreviations but full words. Sorry 'bout it!!

The kids and I are trapped inside the house because of a snow storm. Dave is out of town until Friday so we are in for the long haul. Even though the kids didn't need a bath, I figured I'd let them play in the tub anyway. They sort of get a break from me and I sort of get a break from them so it works - except for tonight!!

The kids are playing in the bathtub and I'm sitting on my bedroom floor on the phone to Stacy. She and I are talking about how it's nice to have a drink every once in a while to help you relax as long as it's not a way to escape reality. (oh the irony about to come)

I hear Noah cry out - "Oh Natalie!!!! Did you poop!?!?!?!"

I jump to my feet, run to the bathroom to see a single "floater" bobbing along in the tub. Noah is standing as far away from everything as possible in a tub filled with toys, water, Natalie and, apparently, her poop. He has such a disgusted look on his face and glances at me with desperation when I say, "Natalie!!! Did you poop in the tub?!?! You did poop in the tub!!!! Natalie!!! Oh - I can't believe this!!! Stacy, I have go!" I stumble for a moment on my new reality - (gag) WTF am I supposed to do now!?!?!

I take a little toy cup from the pile of bathtub toys and scoop the floater (gag) into the toilet (gag). I toss the cup in the garbage (gag) and pull Noah (who is still very traumatized) from the tub. I wrap him a towel and tell him to go to the other bathroom because he has to be washed again.

Natalie is still sitting there looking at me like "Why are you freaking out?! It's not a big deal!" Of course this isn't a big deal to her. I'm the one that had to scoop it out.

I pick her up out of the tub and see that there isn't just a single floater but that a full "cow patty" is now stuck to the bottom of my bathtub! (gag) "WTF - I can't believe your dad isn't home!!"

I wrap her in a towel and all the way down the hall to the other bathroom I am yelling about how naughty she is for pooping in the tub. She needs to learn to poop on the pot. She's never supposed to poop in the tub. She's very naughty. She replies (in her sing-song voice) "Okay!"

Yes - because it's just that easy!!!

I wash Noah and send him to the hallway to get dressed. I tell him "DO NOT go in the other bathroom!" I wash Natalie and carry her to the hallway to get her pajamas on and see Noah coming out of the other bathroom. Now I start yelling all over again about how he didn't listen!!

"OMG - this is such a disaster!!! I hate your dad!!"

Now, my entire bedroom stinks like an outhouse - thanks Natalie!!!

I send them downstairs and begin the task of cleaning up. My first thought is "Can I leave it until Friday when Dave gets home? How mad will he be? Will it be worth it?" I come to the conclusion that that decision would not be in the best interest of everyone so I decide I have to be the one to clean it up.

I'm hoping I can just dump water on it to break it up (gag) and let it just run down the drain (gag). Um - nope... apparently the "cow patty" consistency doesn't break up (gag). Now I'm gagging so hard I can taste vomit in my mouth and pouring water on it is only succeeding in loosening it from the bottom of the tub. (gag) Now I have a floating cow patty. (gag)

"WTF - I can't touch it! I'll vomit!" (gag)

I find another toy thing that I can scoop (gag) the floating cow patty into the toilet with (gag). I toss the toy into the trash (gag) and finish letting the water drain. I begin to fill the bathtub up with water and pour bleach in the tub. I have to get to a point where I can actually wipe it down without throwing-up so I figure bleach will get it clean enough until I can get to it without vomiting. I think I did the bleach to water ratio all wrong because my entire upstairs reeks of bleach. Oh well - at least it's sanitary!

The kids are sleeping and I'm drinking a cold Miller Lite in an effort to escape my reality.

Cheers to you, Stacy!!!

Tuesday, February 2

How many hands does it take

Yesterday, in nearly one consecutive sentence, Noah asked me for waffles, a glass of milk, a vitamin, his goggles, and his stuff for swim lessons. Natalie needed a diaper and a glass of milk, too. Apparently I can't work fast enough for Noah. When I told him to make up his mind about what he wanted and to be patient, he stormed off into the dining room and said, "You have 2 hands - don't you know that?!?!?!" Because saying it once didn't get his point across, he said it 3 more times before I finally blew up, yelled at him and called Dave.

By the look on Noah's face when I gave him the phone, he thought it was perfectly normal to say that to me and that I'm crazier than a loon for thinking a call to Dave was necessary.

Yeah - Monday...looking forward to the rest of my week - thanks!!

Tuesday, January 26

All I want to do is shower

Apparently the kids are at an age where if I want to shower, I either have to shower before Dave leaves for work or after he gets home.

Sunday and Monday morning, when I got out of the shower, I found Natalie in the office, messing with the computer - bad!!

This morning when I turned the water off in the shower I heard the noise of a chair being pushed across the kitchen floor. I released a heavy sigh, dried off slowly knowing that the next few minutes would be rough for everyone and then yelled downstairs, "What are you guys doing?" To which Noah and Natalie responded with silence. So, I yelled again, "I said - what are you guys doing?!"
Noah comes around the corner, stands at the bottom of the stairs and says, "We're playing in the cabinets."

That makes no sense to me - all the cabinets they are allowed to play in don't require a chair so I ask, "Which cabinets?"

He looks at me with no response. I think he was hoping I would forget that I asked that question in the 3 seconds I gave him to respond. Since there was no response, I asked again, "Which cabinets?!"

He replied, "The one with the marshmallows in it."

"WHAT?!?! You used the chair to climb on the counter to get in the top cabinet where the marshmallows are?!?!?!"

"Yes." (Because apparently, based on how he responded, that's a perfectly normal thing to do.)

Needless to say, they were both in big trouble. Natalie had marshmallow goop hanging from her chin and her hand closed tight around something. I told them both to come upstairs. Natalie, it seems, didn't want just a marshmallow but apparently a cracker, too. I mean, really, if you're going to go through the hassle of moving a chair to climb the counter to get in the top cabinet and be in trouble, why settle for just a marshmallow?

I cleaned her up, washed the cracker crumbs out of her hands and sent them both to their respective beds.

If they hadn't told me which cabinet, I would've figured it out... To their disadvantage, they don't know how to close a ziploc bag. When I opened the cabinet to get the peanut butter for sandwiches, I was showered with opened baggies of marshmallows and cracker crumbs.

So much for my clean shower that caused this mess to begin with - ugh!!!

Tuesday, January 19

2 going on 12

Natalie has been a little mouthy today. She's been talking back and has a bad attitude in general. About 430 I told her she needed to change her attitude. She said she was going to her room to play. I went to check on her about 20 minutes later and she was out cold on her bed. I tried to wake her but she grabbed her thumb and rolled over. She must be so tired! Maybe after a "to late in the day" nap, she'll have a better attitude and we'll have a better evening.

Monday, January 18

Back to the hospital

Waiting in the drop-off line at school:

"Mom, when will I be little again so we can go back to the hospital so I can be born?"

"You won't be little like that again. You're already born and once you're born, that's it."

"But I want to be little so we can go to the hospital so I can be born."

He points the two boys getting out of the car in front of us and says, "Like them. They're twins."

Monday, January 11

That's my baby

Natalie's getting mad because she wants to hold the baby. I hand her the baby doll and she says, "Not that one." I hand her another one and receive the same response. We get through all 5 baby dolls and each time she gets more and more frustrated.

I tell her that's all there is and she says, "That one" and points to the TV.

She's mad because she wants to hold Olivia's baby doll. "The one in the TV".

Tuesday, January 5

You drive me crazy!

We were driving home from dropping Noah off at school and Natalie said she wanted some chicken nuggets. I told her she could have some when we got home. She asked if she could have mustard. I said yes. She asked again, "With mustard, mommy?"

"Yes, Natalie."

"With mustard, mommy?"

A little aggravation in my tone since it's the same question - "Yes, Natalie"

"You drive me crazy, mommy!"

"I drive you crazy. You drive me crazy asking the same question 3 times in a row."

To which she responded in her sing-song voice, "Noooo!"